Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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