Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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