did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
