i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
