What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
