I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
