Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
