She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
dude. I can hear the air.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
