to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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