He passed out mid-signature
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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