When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
