Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
