When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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