Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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