guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
