i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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