1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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