The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
His nipple licking is glorious
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