why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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