what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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