Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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