There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
