at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
