i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
