so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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