I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
