no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
