but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This house was built for laser tag.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
