my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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