i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
