I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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