I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
