Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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