I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
