thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
