Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
