is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
