It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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