Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
