please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
