I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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