normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
