I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
