Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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