so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
