Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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