Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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