I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
