It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
