So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ttyl tear gas
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
