It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
