Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
