She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
